moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
