dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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