Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
