you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
