I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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