thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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