she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
