My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
