It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize