There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
