I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
