I want to walk on stilts...naked
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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