yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
