I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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