hotel room ftw
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
