it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
