thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
