Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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