If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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