i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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