Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
