You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My ATM looks so different sober.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
