Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
one might say we're banned from that church
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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