my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
