i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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