My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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