I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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