I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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