His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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