He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
