Apparently you make a good broom.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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