Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
