new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
