I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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