I feel like I'm in dance class right now
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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