did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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