Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
