I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
