She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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