I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
