it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
North Korea, Best Korea!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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