we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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