my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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