This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
