All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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