White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Im part way to drunk.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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