look no pants
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
