my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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