is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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