hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
