You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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