oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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