Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
