i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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