At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
