please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize