OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want nice things and good sex
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
