I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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