I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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