If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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