he told me I talked like a deaf person
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
