I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize