i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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